Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Don't Touch My Junk Bro!

As many of you have probably already heard, the TSA has installed scanners at airports, which take virtually naked scans of you (face blurred) and send them to a TSA employee who reviews them to ensure that you're not hiding any weapons (other than the obvious one for males) under your clothes.  If you find this to be a little intrusive (imagine that!), then you have the special molestation alternative where the TSA can pat down your groin for you instead.  Even President Obama has weighed in on this issue.  

To provide you with a first hand account of the special molestation option, the following is a link to the blog of John Tyner, the man who said to the TSA - "You touch my junk and I'm going to have you arrested" (already an instant classic in my book, right after "Dont tase me dude!"), when they informed him they would be patting down his cock for him because he did not agree to the naked scan of him.

I travel.  Quite a bit.  Surprisingly, I've actually not yet been asked to go through one of the new 'violate my civil rights' scanners, I had previously thought about what I would do if I was.  My instinct was to decline to have naked pictures of me taken.  Not because I have a problem with being naked, but more so because I think this is excessive.  The reality is that between having our luggage screened twice, not carrying liquids over 3 mls, taking our shoes, belts, wallets, coins, pens, phones and putting them in bins, going through the normal scanner etc, I feel that we are doing enough to ensure our safety and the safety of others. 

I'm not convinced being photographed naked is adding much vis a vis safety, but it is taking away a lot of our privacy, our civil rights, our right to say enough is enough!  Therefore, I am making a commitment here today - I will reject the 'violate my civil rights scanner' whenever I fly - which is fairly often.  By definition, that means I will be agreeing to the special 'cock pat down' option.  I will not become an internet legend like John Tyner during that process, but I will definitely make it weird for the guy who gives me the cock patdown by asking - "did that just make us all safer"? while he does it.  I also encourage others to do the same.  Please take your travel during the thanksgiving holidays as an opportunity to join the revolution - say fuck no to the invasive naked scanners and enjoy a good free feel up by your friendly TSA agent prior to your flight home (and back) for the holidays.  

TSA, you can take naked pictures of me...but only if you get off to them.  Other than that, Dont Touch My Junk Bro!

TSA walks up to you and you had to pick, your response would be?

Monday, November 15, 2010

One tranny to go...

I always felt that the blog would have "arrived" when a number of things happened.... 

It needed someone to read it (when I started off I thought it was a real possibility that other than me and my now former friend, no one would ever read it).  Check. 

It needed people to comment and share their views (even if opposite to mine), because if they didn't I was really only talking to myself and I can do that without the blog.  Check. 

I had hoped that I could avoid long periods of 'writers block' either because I didn't have much to share or because I didn't have time to write for long periods.  Check...Kind of. 

I had hoped that the blog would 'evolve' and improve with new ideas (e.g. the voting and the chat function).  Check. 

In my wildest dreams, I had hoped that some people out there would be insane enought to visit the blog more than once and actually find it interesting enough to 'follow' the blog and be part of it.  Check (thanks to the regulars!). 

Some part of me hoped that the blog would be read by people in different countries around the world.  Thank you Belgium!  Check.

When the chat function was set up, I hoped someone would actually use it and stay around long enough for me to answer so I could learn what people love about the blog, what they hate about it, what makes them comment, how they find out about the blog etc.  The function is working, and I am easily accessible.  Check.

The blog needed a celebrity reader for it to have "arrived".  Check (as of today).  Someone famous from the lovely state of New Jersey reads the blog.

Lastly, I felt the blog would only truly be 'universal' when it had a regulary tranny reader.  Yes, a tranny.  FAIL!  Fail? Yes, FAIL!  Of all the things that could have gone wrong, the trannys around the world are boycotting the blog?!  There has to be at least one tranny in the whole world who will read the blog.  Dont let me down.

P.S. Someone cared enough to link the blog.  It's a webcam porn site.  I guess its nice to be recognized.
P.P.S.  Next person who says "jus sayin" gets slapped.  Its more than played out.  Cut it out.

Friday, November 12, 2010

On the road again...goin places where I've never been

I'm on the road again. I don't like to chat on planes, unless it's an attractive woman who plans to put out when we land (doesn't happen as often as I would like). So basically, I sit in my seat, I read, I listen to my ipod, I sleep. I don't ever acknowledge those to my left or right. I don't even look at them, because I fear they'll misunderstand and get confused into thinking I might give a fuck about what they have to say and want to talk. Well it happened. I had the can't-take-a-hint chatterbox next to me while crossing the Atlantic. I heard about his dog, his job, his mother-in-law, his shell collection, how Cathay Pacific has the best stewardesses, how they don't make cars like they used to, how his kids are so smart etc.

To which I say, how come no one INTERESTING ever sits next to you on a plane? Why is it always the most boring guy in the world who no one listens to, who takes advantage of having a captive audience (me). I mean where am I supposed to go to avoid him? He then rambles on and on about crap I don't give a shit about. Why can't it be Muhammad Ali talking about how it feels to be the greatest of all time? Why can't it be Kanye West sharing whatever goes on in his crazy ass mind (diamonds melded into your teeth, that's insanity on steroids!)? Why can't it be Pamela Anderson (not elderly-Kid-Rock Pamela Anderson! I'm talking young-fuckable-Tommy Lee Pamela Anderson!) saying it's been a while since she's been fucked and why don't we just join the mile high club (she's already joined lots of times, but just offering to make me a member) before the plane begins its descend. Why can't it be Usher Raymond talking about why he married a woman his grandmothers age, totally lost his chi, dumped that senior citizen and is now on fire again? Why can't it be Hugh Grant talking about what the fuck he was injecting when he decided to cheat on a smoking hot Elizabeth Hurley with a two-cent-prostitute (to this day I'm still wondering what the fuck he was on!)? But no, it's the guy with the shell collection and the smart kids who are smart enough not to listen to a thing he says. So he unloads it all on me. And now, I have a throbbing headache.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I have no concession speech because I never plan to lose

I'm competitive. In a totally unhealthy way.  I like fighting.  I like gambling.  I'd box a girl if she said she could kick my ass.  I'd whip a four year old at chutes and ladders if he called me out.  If I were a politician, I'd be the asshole who would never give the concession speech because four votes in Montana hadn't been counted and DAMN IT THOSE PEOPLE NEED TO BE HEARD!  I share all that only to say that I am having a tough time dealing with getting my ass kicked to my ex-friend L in the webcam vote.  I'm also shocked - 75% of you think webcams are passe?  Only 25% are pro-webcam (get at me!)?  For fucks sake.  Don't hold your breath for my concession speech.

On a totally unrelated note, I've decided Irish women don't get nearly the hotness credit they deserve.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Bathroom Paper Towel Guy Attitude! Really??

I'm a good tipper.  Correction, Im a great tipper.  I have no problems paying for good service and have never stiffed someone on a tip, even for what others may call poor service.  I realize that there are hard working people who rely on tips to either supplement their base pay or in many instances the tips exceed their base pay.  For that reason alone, I tend to err on the side of overtipping.

However, there is one group of people seeking tips that absolutely piss me off.  It's the fucking club/disco bathroom paper towel guy.  First, there is not enough room in most bathrooms when busy for an extra guy to just be fucking hanging out in there.  Second, I dont WANT a dude just fucking hanging out in the bathroom waiting for me to piss, even if there was as much room as Central Park in the fucking bathroom.  Third, after I've made the effort to stand in line, take a fucking piss, zip up, wash my hands etc, what the hell do I need you for?  Oh wait, thats right - I need you to hold the fucking paper towels hostage so you can hand me a paper towel to dry my hands and I should PAY you for that privilege.  I think fucking not!

So the next fucking time I'm in the bathroom, ideally I dont want to see you in there because Im capable of taking a paper towel from a stack and drying my own damn hands and we dont need extra dudes just hanging out in the bathroom while we piss.  But, if you MUST be fucking in there, next time rather than giving me the evil eye because I didn't tip you for a fucking paper towel, come to the urinal, hold my fucking cock for me while I piss, zip me up, wash my fucking hands, dry them, give me a piece of gum and squirt me with some cheap cologne from your tray...and then I MIGHT think about fucking tipping you.  Until then, fuck you evil eye giving bathroom paper towel guy! 

Out of curiosity, do women's washrooms have the equivalent of the bathroom paper towel guy? - chat via blog is working well now

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Blog Chat/Webcams

Thanks to all the blog readers for their comments, emails etc. 

I was excited about the gtalk feature built into the blog, which allows the readers to message me and vice versa if the light is green.  A few of you have tried, but signed off before I can reply.  If you message me via that feature, wait a few minutes so I can reply.  I think it's an interesting way of connecting real time with blog readers and I'd like to make it work.

A friend and I were having a conversation today about webcams.  She is of the view that the 'webcam era' has come and gone and no one uses webcams anymore (for g rated to x rated purposes).  I disagree.  I think the 'webcam era' is in full effect and it is one of the best technological innovations.  It does everything from bring families together around the globe, to allowing a spouse to talk with their significant other in Iraq or Afghanistan, to allowing exhibitionists to share the lords blessings and voyeurs to enjoy them. 

I believe in an America where the webcam is still relevant!  Your thoughts - Webcam era in full effect! or Webcams are passe like skorts (thank god!!!)?

What are your thoughts on webcams?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

He may be a packer, but he's certainly not packing! II

An interesting development in the Brett Favre saga.  Brett has now admitted to sending voicemail messages to the female Jets employee in question, but DENIED that the small dick pictures sent to the JETS employee are his. 

What does this tell you about Brett?  He is smart!  It's one thing to admit to being a philandering grandfather (and a hell of a QB), but its quite another to own up to having a very small tool and being stupid enough to send pictures of a mini dick to others.

Go Vikings!  And whats with this asshole Randy Moss, he cant stay the fuck out of his own way.  I hope the Buffalo Bills pick him up so he can suck dick the rest of the season.