Sunday, January 31, 2010

Fuck life...keep writing

The title of the blog comes from my muse for the day. This was my muse for the day's response to my excuse for not writing as often as I (and perhaps others?) would like i.e. I always hope to write more often, but unfortunately life often gets in the way of me being able to put my words in the ether as much as I would like. So welcome to - fuck life...keep writing.

First, an administrative item - I am now the 'blogologist'.

Next, I promised myself that I would wait on this until I did a full blog on tats and pierces, but this really cant wait anymore. If you have a belly button pierce, but noone can see it unless you're arching your back into a damn near back bend position - do one of three things (1) take it out, (2) get to the gym and work the abs like it was your full time job or (3) dont mention your piercing, so guys (or girls) are not like, "you do? where? I dont see it". If it cant be seen unless you're in a backbend position, its probably a good sign you shouldnt be talking about it.

What is it with the humane society ads? It used to be that those ads of injured, mistreated, disfigured animals etc used to move people, used to grab peoples attention and make them want to take action, show concern etc. But with the overuse of gruesome, twisted pictures, all it has done is desensitize most people to where its not a big deal anymore. People just change the channel and move on with their lives. Shock value has to have value. When it loses value, its just shocking and nothing more. The Humane Society and other similar organizations need to hire a PR agency and retool their approach.

On a related note, stop cruelty to humans! I fail to understand how the same people who are so concerned about what happens to animals, could care less about what human beings do to one another. Humans are injuring, maiming, killing each other at an alarming rate while the 'catlady' I work with has pictures of her 7 cats all over the office, gives them names, has their pictures and a dedicated site for her cats online, understands how her cats are 'feeling' every day (crazy! I know) and yet is an absolute asshole to every human being that has to deal with her a daily basis. Unfortunately, I'm one of those human beings. I am positive her cats cant stand her either, they just dont have the ability to tell her to fuck off like I do.

I voted for obama. I continue to believe he was and is the best choice for the country. I was disappointed in the State of the Union address. and I'm afraid he's losing support on all fronts. Unfortunately, he will not get the benefit of the tremendous amounts of patience that was given to Dubya. I'm still hoping for change we can believe in.

How many people think Conan O'B got screwed over by NBC/Leno? I saw jay on oprah trying to rehab his image. I think he failed miserably in trying to do so. He definitely came across to me as a self absorbed prick and thats in spite of the fact that Oprah may as well have been on her knees sucking him off - that was the lengths she was going to to try to help him out. Conan's last show was definitely a graceful exit.

Is the John Edwards story a Jerry Springer 8 hour special in the making or what? Well done John, I didnt know you had it in you mate. Somewhere, Tiger Woods is thanking his lucky stars that you came along when you did.

Lastly, super bowl. I've been asked for my prediction - Colts. I dont think it will be close. Im putting my money where my mouth is. Simply put, Manning is too good and the Colts are hitting on all cylinders. As an aside, which genius thought it was a good idea to put the Pro Bowl BEFORE the super bowl?

Until next time, fuck life - keep writing!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Freaking Vikes!

Ok, that sucked. I went 1/2 this weekend. Colts won, and I got royally fkd by the Vikings with no lube. Colts made me money, Vikes lost me more. Dont ever gamble! Speaking of which, if you're going to gamble, dont lose money on the Jets because you think Sanchez is cute (im looking at you dolly)

The reader who made the comment "fuck the Vikings", you were so right. I've seen the error of my ways and Im with you! They pissed that game down their leg and favre didnt play like the pimp he is. I wont bore you with my armchair qb recap of all the stupid pee wee league football errors the Vikes made (12 men on the field. REALLY??? is this the fucking nfl?) and won't whine about crappy calls. I will say that Im disappointed that the favre/vikes story didn't end with the super bowl win. The clock definitely struck midnight.

Which leads us to the Superbowl. Colts vs Saints. No brainer. Dont get emotional with this one. If you're going to get emotional, keep your money in your pocket.

Speaking of getting emotional, I saw a girl with a seahawks logo tattooed on her shoulder. Fucking why? I wont get into it now..but whats with all the lame tattoos in lame locations? Its an epidemic. More on tats and pierces later.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

more on backdoor

I enjoy anal (GIVING anal... so there is no confusion) from time to time. I'm not the only one who does, so dont give me that look. From time to time I have run into women who enjoy it as well. Women dont need to tell me they like anal, I know it from a little sure fire test that I do while fucking the pussy. If you've been with me, you've had the test done to you. Some have passed, some have failed and some who swear up and down they hate anal, have passed the test, and taken it in the ass while pretending to protest. I'll talk about the sure fire test at a later date.

The purpose of this blog is to talk to the dickheads that ruin anal for all men that are with a woman after they are. These are the dicks that result in a woman giving you the "Ive tried it before, and I hate it, it hurts". As soon as I hear that, I know HE has been with her. Who is HE? He is the jackass that thinks the ass is supposed to be fucked like a pussy. HE just likes to stick his cock in the ass with no preparation, no lube and fuck it hard like its a pussy until he cums. As a result of that stupid strategy, SHE will stop having anal and every guy who comes after HIM will not be getting any anal...EVER. So, here is my public service announcement - the ASS is not supposed to be fucked like a pussy. If you dont know how to fuck ass properly, DONT DO IT. Everything is not for everybody! IF you want to fuck an ass, learn how to do it, before you ruin it for every man that is going to follow you with your ignorant anal technique.

On a related note, there is NO reason a woman shouldnt have sex while on her period. If youre not woman enough to take it in the pussy while youre on your period (spare us the 'its mess' lameness), that does NOT mean your bf/fuckbuddy/fwb/husband etc should lose a week of fucking. God, in his infinite wisdom, blessed you with THREE holes for a reason.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I put the attitude in gratitude

I want to thank those people who have read and commented on my blog. It is much appreciated and I hope for this blog to evolve into a forum where more of you add your thoughts and bare your souls. I'd like this blog to eventually become more of a dialogue than a monologue.

That said, today's blog is one made up of odds and ends -

Something has really been bothering me lately. I fail to understand why in 2010 women still feel the need to lie about their sexual history to seem 'virginal' to men. I think women who are 'experienced' are fantastic. I would much rather have someone tell me theyve had many partners than a handful. The reason is that when someone has had a few partners (unless theyve fucked each of them a thousand times), it really shows in the bedroom, leading me to move on - life is too short for lame sex. Experience counts! A healthy sex drive is healthy. Women, stop lying about your mileage! It is unbecoming.

Fake handbags. Seriously? Stop the madness!

Girls who stop giving head the second spunk starts spraying - take some pride in your bloody work! That bad habit is why Ive just started fucking my girlfriend in the mouth rather than having her give head. And I know shes not the only one, I'm looking at you lazy DC girls!

I dont hesitate to pee in the shower if the urge strikes me. You do too. You just won't admit it. I will, I'd pee in your shower too.

I fly fairly often. I have no desire to join the mile high club. With how small airplane bathrooms are nowadays, there's no room to have a proper fuck. Also, Id die of claustrophobia.

Whats with the guys with the tight pants? More importantly, why is it the guys with tiny twitches that always wear the tight pants? Less is not more little boys. Also, if you're a male with nipple rings, you're gay. Im just saying...

I've got the Vikings to win it all, since my team - the Steelers - sucked a big fat one this year. Favre is a pimp.

Speaking of pimps, what happened to the girls who use what they have to get what they want? The IT girls nowadays dont know what their predecessors did. Thats for damn sure.

I gamble. I dont encourage anyone else to do it, but Ive had amazing dumb luck. Picked the steelers to win it all last year. Picked the celts in six a couple of years ago. Have an amazing record in boxing matches. In the NFL playoffs - I have Indianapolis beating the Jets. Vikings beating New Orleans. Let's see how I do. If I'm wrong, it means I paid for that error (quite literally).

Do people really think Pepsi and Coke are interchangable? Theyre not. When I say, can I have a coke and the waiter/waitress/stripper says "Pepsi ok"? I respond "No, it sucks. I'll have water."

If you're going to have tan lines, make sure they come from a small bathing suit. Hear me now thank me later. The brazilians have the bikinis and tan lines down if you are looking for inspiration. Speaking of brazilians, get the wax. Every woman with a bf/husband/fuckbuddy/fwb/one night stand MUST get the brazilian at least once so he can die having lived a full life.

World cup 2010. Get ready.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


We've all seen the heartbreaking images from Haiti. Haiti and Haitians, who were already suffering from numerous challenges including extreme poverty are being further tested by a huge natural disaster. Please provide financial support for Haitian relief efforts through the relief agency of your choice. At a minimum, please keep Haiti and all Haitians in your prayers. One world.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Me to my very hungover gf

"I need for you to 'come' to my staff meeting." Her - "huh". Me - "Bend over so I can introduce you to my staff." Not quite the hit I was expecting it to be. Today will be a long day.