He may be a packer, but he's certainly not packing! II

An interesting development in the Brett Favre saga.  Brett has now admitted to sending voicemail messages to the female Jets employee in question, but DENIED that the small dick pictures sent to the JETS employee are his. 

What does this tell you about Brett?  He is smart!  It's one thing to admit to being a philandering grandfather (and a hell of a QB), but its quite another to own up to having a very small tool and being stupid enough to send pictures of a mini dick to others.

Go Vikings!  And whats with this asshole Randy Moss, he cant stay the fuck out of his own way.  I hope the Buffalo Bills pick him up so he can suck dick the rest of the season.

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

I am your favorite celebrity!

I read an article in a magazine a few months ago.  The article talked about a new industry - the poser celebrity industry.  It interviewed several people who are hired by your favorite celebrities to blog, send 'tweets' lol and even reply to your emails.  In many instances, these poser celebrities are not even in the city/state/country that the celebrity is in.  They are given 'topics' and an 'agenda' by the celebrity's handlers and are responsible for turning that into blogs, tweets, emails etc. 

At first, this seemed like a great idea and I thought that I'd put my name in the ring to be a poser for my favorite celebrities.  Lord knows, other than Kanye West (chi town, stand up!) who is just insane and therefore interesting, most celebrities are some uninteresting and predictable fucks who were either in the right place at the right time or blessed with some good genetics or both.  I could certainly pretend to be an uninteresting fuck and say things like "going to the symphony", "dinner at [fill in your favorite yuppie joint] was heavenly, "being on the red carpet was undescribable" etc.  In fact, if you're an uninteresting fuck of a celebrity, please contact me, I will be your poser double free of charge and will actually make you seem human and interesting.

But then, I got pissed.  Our favorite celebrities are lying to us!  Theyre not writing on their blogs.  Theyre not answering our emails.  Theyre not 'sending us tweets'.  As I write this, some poser asshole in little rock arkansas is pretending to be [fill in your favorite celebrity]. 

I know what people will say - 'the celebrities are too busy to respond to every email, fan request etc they get'.  My response - SO FUCKING DONT!  Rather than pay for some poser to lie to us via every online avenue possible, just dont fucking do anything.  Its not like most of us were used to being in constant communication with our favorite celebrities prior to the fucking internet, so it needed to continue post internet.  I think most people would rather not 'hear' from their favorite celebrity at all than be fed a bunch of bullshit and be misled into believing its coming from the celebrity, when it is NOT.  Stop insulting the fans' intelligence, you pretentious fucks! 

Lastly, your poser double cant do some of you celebrities justice.  Example - I want to hear from Charlie Sheen directly so I can understand what makes him end up in a hotel room naked with a porn star, flip out, end up in a hospital, have his 'handlers' say he was 'fatigued' and explain why he was helped by his ex wife - who (talk about weird!) was in the hotel room next door while he was probably banging the third rate porn star in his hotel room.  See, thats some 'all kinds of fucked upness' that I want to hear about from Charlie directly.  His poser double sitting in nashville tennessee just cant do that story justice!

P.S.  The next time George Michael blogs about hows hes in the studio working on his comeback album, just know that he was taking it in the ass in a public bathroom in Central Park while Arthur, an unemployed history major from Pomona State University (yes, there is such an institution) was sitting in his parents basement writing about the George Michael comeback album.  You gotta have faith indeed!

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

Red Bottoms to Enhance Your Bottom.

I feel obliged to give Christian Louboutin an 'atta boy' for the extremely well made CL platform pumps!  I know theyre not 'new' but those pumps have some structural integrity - I saw a girl today who had no business wearing them wear them and they did not implode under her weight.  They also have fantastic brand recognition - the red bottoms, I dig em.  Also, I credit CL with starting the heavenly 6 inch heels trend.  Although I wasn't paid for this endorsement (yet), I do believe every female should own a pair (or more).

P.S. What's with the women with the scuffed heels?  Take some pride in your mfing work!

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com - you're now able to message me on gtalk via the blog.  If you have gmail and see the green light on the blog indicating I'm online, send a message.

He may be a packer, but hes certainly not packing!

Ok, so I became a big (although im not sure the words big and brett can ever go together again) Brett Favre fan when he joined the vikings.  I don't really care for the vikings but couldnt vote for favre until he was on some team other than the packers.  As you might remember from my blogs last year, I was hoping that Brett would win the super bowl.  Would have made for a great story.

Fast forward a year later and Brett has gotten himself into a pickle (pun intended). Seems Brett was leaving voice messages, text messages and sending pictures of his tool to a couple of Jet employees.  The thing is, deadspin.com did Brett the disservice of putting Brett's tool online.  And let's just say, he might be a packer, but he is DEFINITELY not packing. 

Here's what I don't understand, if you're Brett Favre and you want to bang some Jets employees, why wouldnt you wait till you get the into the sack to unleash little Brett on them.  Why text pictures of it to the women you're wanting to shag when you know that MOST women will realize, when they see little brett, that your only big gun is your right arm?

Go Vikings!

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

If the 'Mosque Isn't Built, This Is No Longer America

Michael Moore (michaelmoore.com)

Michael Moore is an Academy-Award winning filmmaker and best-selling author

September 11th, 2010 9:40 AM

If the 'Mosque' Isn't Built, This Is No Longer America

By Michael Moore (michaelmoore.com)

I am opposed to the building of the "mosque" two blocks from Ground Zero. I want it built on Ground Zero. Why? Because I believe in an America that protects those who are the victims of hate and prejudice. 

I believe in an America that says you have the right to worship whatever God you have, wherever you want to worship. And I believe in an America that says to the world that we are a loving and generous people and if a bunch of murderers steal your religion from you and use it as their excuse to kill 3,000 souls, then I want to help you get your religion back. And I want to put it at the spot where it was stolen from you.

There's been so much that's been said about this manufactured controversy, I really don't want to waste any time on this day of remembrance talking about it. But I hate bigotry and I hate liars, and so in case you missed any of the truth that's been lost in this, let me point out a few facts:

1. I love the Burlington Coat Factory. I've gotten some great winter coats there at a very reasonable price. Muslims have been holding their daily prayers there since 2009. No one ever complained about that. This is not going to be a "mosque," it's going to be a community center. It will have the same prayer room in it that's already there. But to even have to assure people that "it's not going to be mosque" is so offensive, I now wish they would just build a 111-story mosque there. That would be better than the lame and disgusting way the developer has left Ground Zero an empty hole until recently. The remains of over 1,100 people still haven't been found. That site is a sacred graveyard, and to be building another monument to commerce on it is a sacrilege. Why wasn't the entire site turned into a memorial peace park? People died there, and many of their remains are still strewn about, all these years later.

2. Guess who has helped the Muslims organize their plans for this community center? The JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER of Manhattan! Their rabbi has been advising them since the beginning. It's been a picture-perfect example of the kind of world we all want to live in. Peter Stuyvessant, New York's "founder," tried to expel the first Jews who arrived in Manhattan. Then the Dutch said, no, that's a bit much. So then Stuyvessant said ok, you can stay, but you cannot build a synagogue anywhere in Manhattan. Do your stupid Friday night thing at home. The first Jewish temple was not allowed to be built until 1730. Then there was a revolution, and the founding fathers said this country has to be secular -- no religious nuts or state religions. George Washington (inaugurated around the corner from Ground Zero) wanted to make a statement about this his very first year in office, and wrote this to American Jews:

"The citizens of the United States of America have a right to applaud themselves for having given to mankind examples of an enlarged and liberal policy -- a policy worthy of imitation. ...

"It is now no more that toleration is spoken of as if it were the indulgence of one class of people that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights, for, happily, the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens ...

"May the children of the stock of Abraham who dwell in this land continue to merit and enjoy the good will of the other inhabitants -- while every one shall sit in safety under his own vine and fig tree and there shall be none to make him afraid."

3. The Imam in charge of this project is the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. Read about his past here.

4. Around five dozen Muslims died at the World Trade Center on 9/11. Hundreds of members of their families still grieve and suffer. The 19 killers did not care what religion anyone belonged to when they took those lives.

5. I've never read a sadder headline in the New York Times than the one on the front page this past Monday: "American Muslims Ask, Will We Ever Belong?" That should make all of us so ashamed that even a single one of our fellow citizens should ever have to worry about if they "belong" here.

6. There is a McDonald's two blocks from Ground Zero. Trust me, McDonald's has killed far more people than the terrorists.

7. During an economic depression or a time of war, fascists are extremely skilled at whipping up fear and hate and getting the working class to blame "the other" for their troubles. Lincoln's enemies told poor Southern whites that he was "a Catholic." FDR's opponents said he was Jewish and called him "Jewsevelt." One in five Americans now believe Obama is a Muslim and 41% of Republicans don't believe he was born here.

8. Blaming a whole group for the actions of just one of that group is anti-American. Timothy McVeigh was Catholic. Should Oklahoma City prohibit the building of a Catholic Church near the site of the former federal building that McVeigh blew up?

9. Let's face it, all religions have their whackos. Catholics have O'Reilly, Gingrich, Hannity and Clarence Thomas (in fact all five conservatives who dominate the Supreme Court are Catholic). Protestants have Pat Robertson and too many to list here. The Mormons have Glenn Beck. Jews have Crazy Eddie. But we don't judge whole religions on just the actions of their whackos. Unless they're Methodists.

10. If I should ever, God forbid, perish in a terrorist incident, and you or some nutty group uses my death as your justification to attack or discriminate against anyone in my name, I will come back and haunt you worse than Linda Blair marrying Freddy Krueger and moving into your bedroom to spawn Chucky. John Lennon was right when he asked us to imagine a world with "nothing to kill or die for and no religion, too." I heard Deepak Chopra this week say that "God gave humans the truth, and the devil came and he said, 'Let's give it a name and call it religion.' " But John Adams said it best when he wrote a sort of letter to the future (which he called "Posterity"): "Posterity! You will never know how much it cost the present Generation to preserve your Freedom! I hope you will make a good use of it. If you do not, I shall repent in Heaven that I ever took half the Pains to preserve it." I'm guessing ol' John Adams is up there repenting nonstop right now.

Friends, we all have a responsibility NOW to make sure that Muslim community center gets built. Once again, 70% of the country (the same number that initially supported the Iraq War) is on the wrong side and want the "mosque" moved. Enormous pressure has been put on the Imam to stop his project. We have to turn this thing around. Are we going to let the bullies and thugs win another one? Aren't you fed up by now? When would be a good time to take our country back from the haters?

I say right now. Let's each of us make a statement by donating to the building of this community center! It's a nonprofit, tax-exempt organization and you can donate a dollar or ten dollars (or more) right now through a secure pay pal account by clicking here. I will personally match the first $10,000 raised (forward your PayPal receipt to webguy@michaelmoore.com). If each one of you reading this blog/email donated just a couple of dollars, that would give the center over $6 million, more than what Donald Trump has offered to buy the Imam out. C'mon everyone, let's pitch in and help those who are being debased for simply wanting to do something good. We could all make a huge statement of love on this solemn day.

I lost a co-worker on 9/11. I write this today in his memory.

"The man who speaks of the enemy / Is the enemy himself."

-- Bertolt Brecht

Comcast, can you please stop fucking me in the ass?!

I hate Comcast and the customer service assholes who work there. 

Comcast has benefited for far too long from the lack of any real competition.  This has allowed them to raise their rates sky high, provide shitty customer service and rape all their customers without any repercussions.

Unlike most 'normal' service providers, Comcast does not even give a fuck if you say you'll cancel your service.  They are so used to being the 800 pound gorilla, they basically tell you to fuck off if you complain about their service or threaten to take your business elsewhere.  It's like their customer service training consists of being told - 'look, we're the only show in town.  If some asshole is stupid enough to go elsewhere, he'll come crawling right back, so tell those disgruntled customers they can fuck right off'

Comcast flies in the face of my theory and experience that businesses that have shitty customer service dont last.  I've seen it time and again that eventually places with shitty customer service/product go out of business.  Somehow, Comcast is not subject to the same rules and realities as other businesses.  They can be high priced, provide shitty customer service and continue to fluorish.

To that I say, fuck you comcast!  Get your dick out of my asshole, its sore from years of you fucking me in the ass.  I'm canceling my service tonight. 

While it wont change my mind - are there any people out there who have had good experiences with Comcast?  Feel free to share your I hate comcast stories as well.

Say What!

Rick Pitino, the college basketball coach, had an affair which  has since turned into a Jerry Springer like circus, including an extortion attempt by the woman he fucked in a restaurant after it closed.  During the testimony in the extortion case, Rick testified that the encounter (aka fuck) lasted fifteen seconds, then he pulled out and came down his own leg. 

Theres so much wrong with this story that I dont even know where to start.  But...fifteen seconds?  Really Rick?!  I mean, fucking lie on the stand and risk perjury charges rather than tell the whole world you lasted fifteen seconds.  Fifteen seconds....you just made premature ejaculators look like porn stars.  Shameful!