Indianapolis 500

This weekend is the Indianapolis 500. I mean..who really gives a fuck? I never cease to be amazed by the popularity of NASCAR and Formula 1.

May Day May Day

Random Thoughts - I'm feeling the red heels with the jeans look. Are the Jets turning into the Raiders due to all the issues theyre having? Favre's retirement - I was hoping for better on and off the football field. Although I hate em, the Patriots look like the best team in football right now. If they continue to play that way, theyre going to be tough to beat. I should be banned from having a twitter account - every time i get inspired to use it, I fuck it up. Obama's core team has left the White House to begin Obama '12 campaign. Can he pull it off again? Did banning smoking from virtually everywhere lead to people quitting or do they just smoke alot at home now? I dont mind a little smoking, but whats with the jagoffs who throw their cigarettes out of their cars? Why not just legalize cannabis, and not just for medicinal purposes? Johnny Weir (men's figure skater) announces he's gay - was anyone really wondering about that? It's kind of like when Rosie O' Donnell announced shes gay. Did that really require an announcement? I'm loving my Kindle - good call by Santa. Anyone trade stocks - any good stock tips? Switzerland doesnt use Euros - annoying. Hungary has the EU presidency currently - wtf? Hungary? hmmm. Doesn't anyone dance (versus dry hump) anymore? Whatever happened to just dancing? Who are the assholes who pee all over every public toilet seat I end up needing to use? Is that really fn necessary? And if you cant hit a fn foot wide space with your pee stream, how about just cleaning up your own fucking pee. What happened to the hoopla over global warming? Have we resigned ourselves to an environmental disaster? Paging Al Gore! The moon follows me wherever I go. Anyone intentionally looked at the eclipse when you were younger because youre told not to? What happened? Did you go blind?

It aint no fun if the homies cant have none

Am I the only one who wonders why Snoop Dogg has sucked since his debut Doggy Style album in 1993? The Doggy Style album was unbelievable,a standard setting hip hop album. The rhymes, the beats and even the guest appearances on Doggy Style were awesome.

Then...Snoop made nearly two decades of SHIT music. Snoop became a caricature of himself, holding the pimp cup (snoop a pimp???? get fn serious!), and became someone who cant even be taken seriously anymore. Yes, he had the occasional commercial hit (like Beautiful with Pharrell) but he basically churned out nearly two decades of garbage (who even buys his shit?).

Which begs the question, what the fuck happened??? The only way I can explain it is Dr Dre because the one key change since Doggy Style has been that Snoop was no longer with Dre. Which begs the question - would Deep Cover (187 on an undercover cop!) or Doggy Style have been the same without Dre? Is the success of that song and album actually more attributable to Dre than Snoop?

PS - When is Dr Dre going to release the long long long awaited DETOX album so people might fall in love with hip hop all over again?

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

New Years Resolutions Part II

I've had some time to think further about my resolutions for 2011. I was also inspired by many of the thoughts and comments that others contributed to the prior post. Given that we're a few hours away from the New Year, here are my remaining resolutions -

1. I will continue to preach the gospel regarding the magic of brazilian waxes. I will also try bang a brazilian who has a brazilian wax, just to cross that one off my bucket list.

2. I will sleep more

3. The United States is in the minority of countries where people are not at least bilingual. To do my part to change that, I will try to become conversational in a second language this year.

4. During these economic times, charitable organizations are more necessary and needed than ever, but also have less funding due to donations drying up. I will be more charitable to worthwhile causes in 2011 than I was in 2010.

5. I will be more environmentally conscious in 2011, starting with my 'no latex' pledge.

P.S. Everyone please party safely tonight. Dont drink and drive. Dont drive and text. DO drive while getting head, but NOT while you're drunk. See you in 2011.

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

Seasons Greetings and New Years Resolutions

Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones and best wishes for a healthy, exciting and fulfilling 2011.

My five new years resolutions (plus a bonus) thus far (the list will grow by the 1st of Jan and I hope to share as it does) -

1. To cut back on coke (interpret that however you want). Note that I am just committing to cutting back...

2. I already work out, but I resolve to regularly work out a minimum of 3 days a week, every week of 2011

3. To rant on and on (in person and via every forum available) about the stupidity of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan until every single man and woman serving their respective countries in Iraq and Afghanistan is brought home safe and sound. No more senseless deaths!

4. To make a final decision on the on again off again girlfriend situation. My cock is demanding this resolution.

5. To have more sex, more meaningless sex and more anal sex. The right decision in 4 above will be the key factor in how I do on this resolution in 2011.

6. Bonus - As for the blog in 2011, two words - Confession Sundays!

Please share your resolutions, perhaps they will inspire others as well.

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

Please Call me DICK

The question of the day - What in the world would make someone named Richard want to be called DICK? A "Richard" can be called richard, rick, rich, ricky, ricardo etc. But there are actually guys who pass up on all of those reasonable options and decide that they would prefer to be called DICK. A couple of good examples of this idiotic decisionmaking are Dick Cheney (very appropriately named), Dick Van Dyke (no comment!) and Dick Clark.

Am I the only one who thinks that you must be an absolute moron to want to be called DICK? I mean even if my name was Dicktholomew I wouldnt let someone call me DICK. And yet, there are actually people in the world who have a name like Richard that sounds nothing like DICK, who actually CHOOSE to be called DICK.

I know some DICKs will blame their parents for starting the use of the DICK name. Two points about that - First, what sort of ASSHOLE parents would think that it is a good idea to start calling their child DICK? Dont these parents even think about the ridicule their child named DICK will receive? Second, even if your parents were insane enough to call you DICK while you were little, the first time in your life when you realize that your name is synonymous with PENIS, why would you not IMMEDIATELY tell everyone (including your crazy ass parents) that your name is RICHARD or some 'normal' variation of it and the next person who calls you DICK will get slapped hard.

Any DICKs read the blog? Id be interested to hear your explanation (can there even possibly be one?) of how you decided that being called DICK for your entire life sounded like a great idea.

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

One thing is for damn sure...

United Airlines will definitely NOT be sued for discriminating against the elderly. In fact United should be the poster child for equal opportunity hiring of the elderly, because it seems they cant find any stewardesses under 90 years old. Im pro-elderly, love my grandparents and all of that, but really??? Watching these elderly stewardesses hold their backs when they bend over to pick up a tray, walk gingerly up and down the aisles because their feet hurt and looking like they're about to pass out from standing for a two hour flight makes this look more like elderly abuse than some great hiring initiative by United. In addition, how is United not able to hire ANY stewardesses under the age of 90? I mean, I understand mixing it up, but to not be able to recruit and hire anyone under 90 seems to be very problematic.

Which leads to my next question, what happened to the hot stewardess era? When and why did it just end so abruptly? At one point, stewardesses used to be synonymous with hot women. Nowadays, stewardesses are largely synonymous with the elderly (United, Im looking at you!), gay men and the combo of the two - elderly gay men. Any hot female stewardesses read the blog? If so, please comment and renew our faith in the concept of hot stewardesses. Also, let us know which airline you're on, because it sure as hell ain't United.

Lastly, while a couple of women have commented to me that they like the gay male stewardess (Ill call them stewardesses if I want!) trend because theyre 'cute' and have 'nice butts', I've recently come to the realization that most of these gay male stewardesses are probably fucking each other during layovers. This doesn't come from watching one too many porn movies, it has become quite obvious to me just from they look each other up and down on flights. I mean we know that some of these gay stewardess layovers are probably modern day Roman bathouses, but for gods sakes can you guys stop eyeing each others asses and packages while you follow each other up and down the aisle. Show some restraint!

To recap -

1. United, hire some hot young women or at least some people under the age of 90
2. Remaining hot stewardesses, identify yourselves before you go the way of the dinosaurs
3. Gay stewardesses - tone it down, save it for the layovers and make sure you wrap it up.

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com - chat via blog also works