Heaven is Under the Feet of Our Mothers (revised)

First, I'd like to thank the readers for all the emails to lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com. I will continue to answer emails as they come in.

I read a quote that I really loved enough to revise this blog to incorporate it. In an article about Islam, a writer said that the Muslim Prophet Muhammad said that Heaven is under the feet of our mothers. When I read that quote today, I realized just how true that really is.

After the fact (because I didnt know the quote when I wrote the first draft of this blog), I also realized that my blog below was in essence my views on why heaven is under the feet of our mothers and what mothers do to deserve that honor. By loving, respecting, serving our mothers and acknowledging that we owe them a debt that we can never repay, we bring ourselves closer to earning 'heaven'. By saying that, I am not making a religious statemement, but rather saying that Mothers are definitely sacred.

Regarding mother's day, I've always been of the view that every day should be mothers day because good mothers make the ultimate sacrifices for their children. From the time they carry the child for nine months to the labors of childbirth itself to caring for a child, raising him/her, worrying about all aspects of their children's lives etc., praying for them, guiding them. And a mothers job is never complete, even when the children leave the home a good mother continues to do many of the things ive mentioned. We dont need Hallmark to tell us which day of the year to celebrate our mothers. We should celebrate them everyday.

While all mothers (especially my mother) amaze me, I'm particularly in awe of GOOD single moms, working moms and single/working moms . With all the responsibilities that go along with being a mother, when you also have to work and/or have no spouse to assist you with raising the child(ren), you are truly doing a herculean task.

I find it difficult enough to just work a job that taxes my mind and body daily, adding to that the responsibility and workload of rearing children properly is incomprehensible. I appreciated the comments to the first draft of this blog where Lils remembered to call her mom and strongly agree with Antoine's comment that mothers are modern day heros.

Let's appreciate our mothers and everything they have done and continue to do for us. While we can never repay them, let's spend our lives trying and get closer to 'heaven' by doing so.

I'd rather be a premature ejaculator...

Than have to watch one more game where whichever team is playing the Lakers plays like shit. Since the Thunder made it an exciting first round series, the Lakers haven't even been challenged. In fact, the Jazz and Suns might as well just spend the entire game on their knees sucking off the Lakers. The Jazz played like shit and the Suns look like theyre trying to outdo the Jazz.

All that being said, I will vote against the Lakers every single game until they are out of the playoffs (or win the fucking championship - which makes me want to throw up). Which leads me to my prediction - The Celtics will sweep the Orlando Tin Men (no heart, get it?) and the Lakers will continue to get deepthroated by the Suns for another two games. That will set up a Celtics - Lakers championship (old school rivalry!). And in the finals, the Celts will win.

Now I know two things - 1. Readers will say that I've been wrong about alot of calls I've made (pitt penguins being the latest) and 2. Readers will likely think that I am choosing the Celts because I hate the Lakers and I would even choose a WNBA team (dont get me started) over the Lakers. 1 is true, but 2 is only PARTIALLY true.

While I would choose any WNBA team over the Lakers, I actually believe the Celts will beat the Lakers. While I also voted for OKC, Utah and Phoenix over the Lakers, I didnt (and dont) believe any of them can beat the Lakers. What I wanted was for those teams to extend their series so the Lakers dont get a free ride to the finals. Only the Thunder did their part.

The Celtics will win for a number of reasons, but three in particular - depth, experience and HEART. Celtics in 6.

P.S. Blackhawks to win the Stanley Cup. Will write in more detail later.

An Orgasm of Odds and Ends

Lawrence Taylor - wtf! Raping a 16 year old? This is a bit much even for Lawrence. The good news is that this episode won LT a place on my "for fucks sakes, keep your ass at home" list

Speaking of molesters, that molester R. Kelly is a musical genius. He is on my guaranteed pussy every time music list.

Coke in Europe tastes like shit, But even that is much better than Pepsi.

I'm very surprised by the commentary regarding my last post about implants. No implant lovers? No implant defenders? Really? Where are the women who have implants, love em and flaunt 'em? Where are the guys wanking to the porn chicks with implants and wanting to know what they feel like? Where's the little blond vogued is talking about? lol

The Pittsburgh Penguins tied 2-2 with Montreal? What the fuck is going on! The archenemy Washington is out and now were going to fucking go the distance with Montreal?

How many have had the experience of jerking off so much in one day that your load is clear like water? I have, today. Im not concerned...yet.

Anyone tried to go to a normal website at work and had the "THIS SITE IS BANNED UNDER COMPANY POLICY XYZ - PORNOGRAPHY. THIS HAS BEEN REPORTED TO IT DEPT". I mean, wtf! I tried to go to this blog at work today and got reported. That should make for an entertaining monday morning given that I have a nice big picture of tits in the blog.

Congrats to the Thunder for making it a series. Agree with the comments regarding OKC, the future is looking bright. Are the Jazz really going to roll over and die? C'mon Boozer and Williams! And as always, fuck the lakers and that lil whining bitch Kobe.

Paging Sugar Shane Mosley! Shane, I want my PPV money back. You are a big disappointment. You fought scared, what is with the 12 rounds of feinting but never punching? No one wants to see that shit. You should have finished him in the 2nd when you rattled him with an average punch. Mayweather was so confident, he actually did something other than run and counter for 12 rounds for the first time in his career - he attacked. I continue to believe that Mayweather has a glass jaw (demonstrated by his wooziness in the second round after a so/so punch from Mosley) and any solid puncher (read Pacquiao) that hits him square on the chin is going to knock him the fuck out. For now, Shane - announce your retirement - you are done. However, Brother Nasim on 24/7 - you are my new favorite trainer.

Lastly, we crossed the 10,000 views mark on this blog recently. I want to thank everyone who takes the time to read the blog and contribute to it. It has been an interesting journey thus far. I have a lot of ideas regarding the blog and what I want it to be. Im also interested in your opinions/views and continued contributions. The blog is nothing but my ramblings without all of you. I won't sell out and accept ads on this blog either. Ever.

Until next time, embrace the porn star within.

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

Twitter

Important New Legislation

(photo credit: babble.com)

Several years ago, an acquaintance of mine paid for his ex-gfs implants. When he did, I told him I thought it was a big mistake (due to the dysfunctional nature of their relationship). Sure enough, 3 months after she got her implants, she broke up with him and started seeing another guy and showing her enhanced chest at every local night spot every weekend. I felt bad for him, but I didnt feel bad for him, if you know what I mean.

Here's a tip - if you have a dysfunctional relationship and are broken up every second week, and most of your conversations consist of calling each other asshole, motherfucker, bitch, slut, manwhore etc - probably NOT a good idea to spend thousands of dollars to turn her B cups into full Cs.

That being said, in the event that you were dumb enough to pay for your girlfriends tits and she ends up dumping you (not you dumping her), there should be a process by which she should repay you for the investment you made for which you wont benefit anymore (but every guy after you will).

To begin the important dialogue that this country needs on this issue, I will share my views via my proposed legislation. I believe that in such an instance, by law, the implants girl has to choose from one of three options:

1. The "Buyout" - pay him for the cost of the implants minus depreciation for the time he got to enjoy them and move on with your life.

2. The "Rent to Own" - Let him continue to enjoy the implants for a fixed period of time (years, not months). Once that time period is over, you are now the proud owner of your implants, title to the implants will transfer to you and you can move on with your life.

3. "Visitation" - For those guys who are going to miss the babies, I will be pleased to grant a visitation order that will allow you to see and play with the girls one weekend a month until they reach the age of 18 and are emancipated.

lightbreaksthedawn@gmail.com

LA Fakers featuring Kobe Cryant (thanks for that one Jon)

I'm watching game 6 of the Lakers-Thunder series and while the Thunder are keeping it close they just aren't playing like they did on their home court previously. Theyre just a lil bit off, which is keeping the Lakers in the lead. I was hoping for a big Thunder win setting up a game 7 in LA.

As mentioned before, while Id love for the Thunder to win this series, my main interest is to have them stretch it to seven games and put some mileage on the Lakers before round 2 of the playoffs. Thunder just tied 61-61, intensity is picking up!

What I find sickening is that every time the Thunder get some momentum, they choose to leave Derek Fisher wide open at the three point line the next time down the court. Don't these assholes know yet that Fisher is capable of knocking down wide open threes all night long? Now I'm no Red Auerbach, but here's a novel idea for you assholes, GUARD DEREK FISHER!

I'm also tired (have been for years) of Kobe Cryant crying every time he touches the ball. This guy feels hes being fouled while he still has the warmups on in the lockerroom. He turns and cries to the referees whether he makes a shot or not. He hits threes and cries about how he was fouled. If you're the grand competitor you claim to be, grow some nuts and MAN UP! Stop crying like a lil bitch every time you touch the ball.

GO THUNDER!

Playoffs = Payoffs

We are in the midst of both the NBA and NHL playoffs. I thought I'd check in and share my initial thoughts with more detailed blogs to follow as the playoffs heat up. First, the NBA playoffs - the general concept is FUCK THE LAKERS! I wll vote for any team that plays against the Lakers until the Lakers are out of the playoffs or end up winning it all (like last year, which sucked alot). I'm happy to see that the OKC/LA series is tied at 2-2, with the Thunder running and gunning and definitely wearing the Lakers out. Even if OKC does not win the series (not very likely, but a small possibility), I hope they take the Lakers the distance and prevent them from getting much rest before the next series. So for now, GO THUNDER!

Unlike the NBA playoffs, I definitely have a favorite in the NHL playoffs, the Pittsburgh Penguins. While there are many good teams in the NHL, I love the way the Pens play hockey. They also won me money last year when they won it all. I am voting for them to do it again this year. They have just completed their first round series against the Ottawa Senators. They didnt play as well as I expected thus far, but seem to be getting it together going into the second round. While I am voting (and betting) for the Penguins, I also want to say FUCK THE WASHINGTON CAPITALS! I want them out of the playoffs and since theyre having trouble with the 8th seed Montreal Canadiens, I believe I will get my wish with the Capitals being ejected from the playoffs. To recap - GO PENS and FUCK THE CAPS!

My Latex Allergy

Last night was an absolute disaster. My longstanding ''latex allergy" which made condoms a non-requirement with my gf was exposed as a fraud. For as long as I've been with the girlfriend, she's known about my latex allergy which is so serious that I absolutely cannot use condoms (which is good! I wasnt exactly seeking a cure if you know what I mean). Until last night.

That's when, in a moment of drunken stupidity my drunken former college roommate Lefty says, in front of my girlfriend (and her friends, which REALLY was not helpful) - "Dude, you remember that huge box of condoms you had under the bed" First, it was not a HUGE box of condoms, it was a box with ALOT of condoms. Second, it was under the bed, so it was conveniently accessible. College students dont exactly keep condoms in their nightstands, because they dont HAVE nightstands. My nightstand itself was a box with a lamp and an alarm clock on it.

So, here's where I made the worst mistake ever, and pretty much ended any hope of sexual activity with my gf for eternity. After an hour of glares and stares and that "well talk when we get home" look your mom used to give (well, at least my mom used to give me), we finally get home. The whole ride home, Im talking about how tired I am because Im hoping we dont have to have the 'talk' and maybe, just maybe, she wont kill me in my sleep and we can wake up in the morning and cooler heads will prevail. NOT happening!

First question she asked when we walked in the door was, "so, has your latex allergy ever resulted in you acquiring any STDs (yes, she really said acquiring like you purchase them at the store). Something in my brain said, "kid, go with comedy here, because you are a dead man walking." Listening to that something in my brain, I replied "yes, a few times, but it was never anything that a little penicillin couldn't take care of." NOT the response she was looking for. As a result, my night ended with "you might as well become a priest like your [relationship omitted to protect the innocent], because you sure wont be fucking me."

IT WAS A JOKE! My friends thought it was funny. Probably because they have a sense of humor!

Meanwhile, Im on sex hiatus. Well, with her.